34 Weeks

Jase is now 34 weeks old. It's weird to think that they would have induced me no matter what at 34 weeks if he hadn't come any sooner. I can't help but wonder how things would have been different if I could have held out until today, but I also know that things happen for a reason and he was born the exact day he was suppose to and he is right where he should be.

He has done really well these last couple days. Ever since Christmas day he has been great. Everyday gets better. Between 34 and 36 weeks they like to try feeding him with a bottle. He has been showing signs that he may be able to handle it pretty well, including sucking on his binki and being able to swallowing. The questing was whether he could suck, swallow and breath all in the right order. Today they decided to try and he actually drank 6cc, (which sounds like a lot but is really only a teaspoon) I was so excited top hear that. They are going to continue to work with him and eventually I will get a chance to feed him also. He now weighs 3 lbs 9 oz and they give him 4 (that's right 4) extra calories per day to help him continue to gain weight.

Here is a picture of his incision. I was very excited when I saw it healed. It looks so good and it's not as noticeable as I thought it would be. Jeremy on the other hand was hoping it would be some huge awesome scar across his stomach. He was just a little disappointed!! Notice the grip he has on the wires. He is very grabby and knows how to use those long fingers.

It's so refreshing to see his little body getting back to normal. He's not full of tubes or IVs and loaded down with tape or dressing. And notice once again how unnoticeable his incision is.

He is just so dang cute. I LOVE the time a get to spend with him everyday. It's not very often a mom gets to just sit and hold her baby for hours at a time! I enjoy every minute of it!

Santa Came To Town

We are so grateful for wonderful family who let us crash their Christmas and spend it with them. We had a great Christmas morning and Kylie was so fun to watch. She was so excited that Santa came and loved opening her gifts. She insisted on riping off the bow and name tag before turning it over to open it.
This is the night before. Kylie was watching out the window for Santa to come, but when I went to take the picture she turned around and posed for me in her new jammies.

Kylie and Tatum waiting at the top of the stairs to come down and see what they got.

Jeremy and I got a new video camera for Christmas and I was trying to do double duty and work both cameras. Obviously I wasn't doing that great because I totally missed whatever she was looking at here.

We had to convince her that there were way better gifts than the candy in her sock!

She finally figured it out and loved everything she opened.

We had a little bit of a rough day at the hospital. We went up to visit Jase and he was having a hard time. He managed to pull out his feeding tube and they had to take him down to get that put back in under a scope. He has a little bit of reflex and it was pretty bad today. I watched him throw up several times while I was there. He was D-sating meaning he would stop breathing and they would have to give his assistance to get him breathing again. His stomach seems to be full of air making him uncomforable and they are worried he may have another infection even though he's pretty active. They put his cannula back in his nose with a low flow of air just to help him out with his breathing. We came home pretty discouraged. We may just be taking for granted how well he is doing other wise and we probably shouldn't be too discouraged by one bad day. It doesn't help that it's Christmas though. We continue to remember how blessed we really are and we are so grateful for all that we have. We can't help but think of what Christmas will be like next year and we can't wait!

Because of RSV season Kylie can't actually come up and see Jase in his room, but she loves to come to the hospital and play in the playroom or hang out with Jeremy and I while the other one of us is with Jase. She loves this Spiderman in the hall and asked me to take a picture of her with him. She is such a good sport and very cooperative during this crazy time in our loves.

Much Needed Update

I know, I know, I really need to update. A lot has happened and I am trying to remember it all. I will start with last Friday. My mom gets a call early in the morning from my dad telling her that he has slipped on some ice on the way to my cousin's wedding and has broken his leg. My poor dad was laid up in the hospital for 3 days and underwent what sounds like some pretty major surgery. My poor mom can not possible handle one more dramatic thing in her life and spent a couple nights sleeping in a reclining hospital chair. Poor me for not getting to have my mom around for her last days with me before she headed back to AZ. It was a rough couple days. Thankfully my dad is doing well and he actually came out of his bedroom for the first time today!! My mom says every time the phone rings she gets a knot in her stomach.

Jeremy came back up on Saturday to be with us and he was able to hold Jase for the first time. He said he looked like a whole new baby. He didn't have nearly the tubes he had when Jeremy had left the week before. I am so glad he is back up here with us!

He now only has the feeding tube in his nose and they are gradually increasing his feedings everyday. Today they were able to give him his full feeds which means he is eating enough to sustain his weight and gain more. He also weighs 3 lbs 8 oz. The most he has ever weighed. He is doing great. We couldn't be more blessed with his progress and the way he is developing. The nurses and doctors continue to be amazed.

We had a very special visitor come right to the Riley's house. Santa visited the other night just in time for Kylie to give him any last requests. Too bad Kylie won't talk to Santa. Hopefully he received her e-mail Grandma Hansen helped her send. He was so excited for the candy cane she could hardly stand it.

On Sunday morning we took a little break and ran down to St.George for what was supposed to be one night. (We got snowed in and stayed in Cedar City at Grandma and Grandpa Felix's house on Monday night) Kylie had a chance to open presents from the Felix side.

She is pretty good at this opening presents thing.

She LOVES the chair grandma and grandpa gave her!

Life has been crazy, but I am grateful for everything I have and the things I am learning through this process. I have a wonderful family and a great support system and I couldn't do it without them.

What A Difference A Week Can Make

Jase is 10 days old and the poor little guy has been through more in those days than most people have in their lifetimes. These past few days have been so good!! He is doing absolutely amazing!  Each day I am more and more encouraged when I go to see him. The doctors and nurses are amazed by his progress and I think at this point it's just a matter of him being able to hold his own body temperature and eating on his own.  He currently weighs in at 3 lbs 3 oz. They have been a little concerned about is weight, but now that he has a little feeding tube in his nose they are able to feed him breast milk and hopefully that will help. We were sad to learn that the freezer that kept my very hard earned milk for the last 8 days broke and my bid was one of three that was ruined. All the colostrum that is the very best for him is gone. We just have to keep telling ourselves that Heavenly Father is in charge of his care and he will be just find without it. We are told he has quite a few nurses that would love to be his primary nurse, he already has women fighting over him!  

My mom and I went up to the hospital on Sunday night and found Jase on the billi lights. He had funny little glasses on to protect his eyes and the nurses also had put eye protection on his little bear that sits above his bed. 

This is a picture of the night he really opened his eyes for the first time. He still had the ventilator in his mouth along with his chest tube, the IV in his hand and the central line in his chest. 

On Monday I went in to see him and they told me his collapsed lung had totally repaired itself and his chest tube could be removed along with his ventilator. I was so excited to have that huge tube out of his mouth and the big machine taken away.

This is a picture of his "chic magnet" incision. They took the staples out yesterday and it actually looks really good. The nurses say that it will actually be a fairly small scar and hopefully just a thin little line.

Yesterday when I came in the nurse told me we could dress him. They had this preemie outfit for me to put on him. They also let me change his diapers, take his temperature, measure him and change some little sensor thing that goes on his foot. I am finally feeling like his mom! Everything about him is tiny except for his feet. This little guy is 16 1/2 inch and has 3 inch feet!!

As my mom and I were walking back to his room yesterday his nurse meet us in the hall and said "Today is your lucky day!" I got to hold him!!!! I was so excited. He is so tiny and I am pretty sure the blankets we wrapped him in weigh more than he does.  It was so fun to sit and watch him. He make little noises and every once in a while he would smile in his sleep. He acts like any other little baby would rather than being sick laying in his bed.  As I look at him I can't help, but be so grateful for this little boy. His little body is so tiny, but his spirit is huge and it can be felt so strongly.

I felt really bad because Jeremy couldn't be there. He was pretty bummed he missed a lot of the great things that have happened. He is anxious for the weekend and to hold him for the first time. I am grateful for every perfect little part of him and I am so blessed to be his mom!! 

'Tis The Season

I have been so excited for Christmas this year. Kylie is finally old enough to kind of understand what is going on. She loves houses with Christmas lights and walking around stores with all the decorations. I had a whole list of things I wanted to do with her as soon as Thanksgiving was over. Since plans changed real quick once we got home we haven't quite had the Christmas season I was hoping for, but we (well, maybe not so much me being involved) have managed to do a few things to make this year fun for Kylie. 

Kylie had a good time putting up Christmas with Dad and Grandma and Grandpa Hansen. She loved all the ornaments and thought the houses for the village was really cool. I am so glad Grandma recorded it for me so I could watch it from the hospital. She calls it "our Christmas house"

I was excited to see how Kylie would act with Santa this year. Last year she absolutely hated him! We went to a ward Christmas party with my cousin Lisa and her girls and She had a chance to meet him.

She wouldn't talk to him when he asked her what she wanted, but she was willing to sit on his lap and smile for a picture.

She had a blast the other night making a gingerbread house with her cousins McCall, Tatum and Kelli.

She was very good at decorating the house! 

Here they all are with the finished product. She were very proud and had a good time. 

With all the craziness and confusion that her life has been the last little while she seems to be doing pretty well. I hope she knows how much we love her.  I can't wait until life is somewhat normal again.

To Make A Long Story Short...

I have these very ambitious plans to write in great detail the things that have gone on the last couple days and I actually had one post already written, but I couldn't get the pictures to go where I wanted them to and I was frustrated. So I just decided that I would  just write a brief summery and then later post the details. 

Each day seems to bring something new. My mom and I have said that we are to the point that we really hated waking up because we weren't sure what we would have to face. 

Tuesday morning (less than 24 hours old) we found out that Jase had developed what could be a life threatening blood infection. They weren't sure exactly what the infection was, but I guess it is pretty common for a baby like him to develop something like that especially since I had an infection also. They also were worried that the infection could be up in the fluid of his brain. They performed a spinal tap and the results came back negative. We were so relieved. They later discovered  that the infection was from e-coli. He is being treated with antibiotics and we have every reason to believe that everything will be fine with that. 

Also on Tuesday Kylie had a chance to meet her baby brother for the first time. I was a little bit nervous about how she would react to seeing him, but she did great. She is so excited that Jase is her's. She would gently reach in and touch him really quickly. It wasn't until I saw Kylie's hand next to Jase's that I realized how big Kylie was. Her hand looked so big next to him.  

Wednesday morning we were told that Jase was having bouts of apnea and over time his abdomen had been filling up with air and his lungs were being compressed because the air was pressing against them. They knew there was a problem when all the sudden his whole abdomen inflated like a balloon. His body was under so much stress that his vitals were dropping. They realized that his problem was more than what they were capable of fixing and he was going to require surgery up at Primary Children's Medical Center. My heart sank when I heard we would have to go up there.  After getting my permission they immediately starting getting everything arranged.  

Life flight arrived a little while later.  I went down to watch them get him all ready and it was such a huge ordeal. It took them 2 hours to get him stabilized and hooked up in the big contraption thing he would be flying in. I was so sad to see him all strapped in ready to leave. It was so comforting to know that Jeremy would be with him the whole time. It took two hours to get him from the St. George to Salt Lake and I was so relieved when Jeremy called and said they were there.

He was scheduled for surgery that afternoon.  They would have to go in and do exploratory surgery because they weren't exactly sure what the problem. It was probably one of two things. Either just a puncture in his stomach which they would just have to sew up and healing would be pretty easy or he could have something wrong with his intestine. In that case they would have to find the perforation and cut out the section of dead intestine and pull one end out of his body to collect the waste and he would have a bag outside his body. Then later they would have to sew it back together and put it back in his body.  Obviously we wanted the problem to be in his stomach.  I was on pins and needles waiting while he was in surgery to find out what the problem really was. 

I was more than relieved when Jeremy called and said that they had found was a 3/4 inch (which seems really big in such a tiny stomach) hole in his stomach and was able to just sew it up.  He'll have what Jeremy calls "the babe magnet" scar in the shape of a big upside-down V over his belly-button. Recovery time will be a lot quicker and easier.

Thursday morning they found that his right lung had collapsed. They put him on a ventilator to help with his breathing. Lungs repair themselves and it shouldn't take too long for that.

Friday we went to visit and they told us that the x-rays on his lung is looking great and that it has pretty much repaired itself already. My parents went to visit him tonight and he opened his eyes!!! I am so sad I missed it. I am so excited for all the good things to come and all the milestones we have to look forward to. 

We have been so blessed!! In every situation we have been in we have always come away with the best case scenario. They never found infection around his brain. We came away with only a hole in his stomach instead of his intestines.  He is one amazing little boy and we are so blessed to have him in our lives.   

We are so grateful for all the thoughts and prayers that have been offered in our behalf. We know that it is because of them that he is doing so well. 

Here are a few pictures that show what has been going on.

This was while they were getting him ready for his flight. They had taken off his head piece and I felt like I had a chance to see what he really looked like for the first time. He is holding Jeremy's ring in his tiny hand. 

This is the huge contraption he flew in. 

Here he is at Primary Children's Hospital. They made his a cute little name tag. I mostly wanted to show off his hair. It's dark and curly and luscious!!

We set a 20 dollar bill next to him to get perspective on how little he really is.

This is when Kylie met him for the first time. Our first family photo with the four of us. Too bad you can't see Jase's face.

Introducing...

JASE JOSEPH FELIX

Born: Monday, December 8, 2008

11:40 am

3 lbs 6 0z

16 1/2in.

Obviously, maybe not the most flattering of pictures, but that is what he looks like right now. He's hooked up to a bunch of monitors and tinier than tiny. Jeremy took a picture with his phone of his hand up next to him and Jase is about the size of his hand and maybe a half.

Jase's Story

I woke up early Monday morning feeling kind of crampy in my stomach and my legs were really achy. I got up for a second and when I get back I just laid down on my side. I just really wasn't feeling very well. A few minutes later my nurse and two doctors walked in the said the monitor showed that the baby's heart rate had gone down a little.

They were concerned that since there is hardly any fluid that the umbilical cord may have come down. They checked and that didn't seem to be the case. At this point the heart rate was back up and doing OK. I told them that I wasn't feeling well and so my nurse checked my temperature and it was little bit high, but not too bad. One of the signs that I could have an infection and need to deliever the baby is having a high temperuter which means a fever. I continue to just lay there either freezing so bad that my teeth were chattering or so hot I was sweating.

My nurse came back took my temperature again and said it was continuing to go up. She went to talk to my doctor and came back in telling me that they needed to deliver the baby because I showed signs of infection. At that point, a rush of emotion came over me. I wasn't sure how I felt. I was relieved because this is what I have been waiting for, but I wasn't sure how big the baby was and how he was doing and how the infection may affect him. I was told that sometime in the next hour they would take me down to Labor and Delivery. Then it would probably take all day to get through labor and deliver him and as long as he did well with everything, then it should just be a normal birth. I called Jeremy and told him what I had been told, but that he probably had awhile because it would take all day.

They take me down to L&D and start getting me ready there. Jeremy shows up just before they start me on Pitocin. They have a tube in me that is pumping saline up around the baby so he would be cushioned during the contractions. They get all that going and Jeremy and I are just there talking. All of the sudden we see the baby's heart rate plummet and about 5 people come running into the room. They start turning me from side to side trying to stabilize the heart beat. They finally get it back up after what felt like 10 minutes (I think it was only like one or two) and then they tell me he's not going to tolerate this. We have to do an emergency c-section. I think they had me prepped and ready to go in about 15 minutes. Thank goodness Jeremy came when he did or he may have missed it!

The C-section went really well. The doctors and the anesthesiologist were great. They chatted with to me to whole time and it was no sweat getting him out. In the room right next to us was a team from the NICU that was ready and waiting for him. As soon as he was here they walked him by us briefly and then took him over there to get stabilized. He pinked up really quickly and took a few breathes on his own, which was very encouraging.

He was soon hooked up to all of his monitors and IVs and resting fairly peacefully.

A few hours later I was able to go down and see him and I actually had a chance to hold him. I had only seen zoomed in pictures at this point and so when I actually saw him I was surprised at how small he really was. To be honest it's a little bit intimidating.

All seems to be going well at this point. We are just waiting to see how he reacts to everything and what the future brings. I actually have a few more picture to post from today, but I just need to get a hold of them and then I will do it.

One Week Down....

I have been in the hospital for one week now and it has gone fairly well. I thought about coming up with a list of the 10 reasons why this isn't the funnest thing I have ever done, but I thought that probably won't get me anywhere and at this point I need some encouragement. Here are a few things that occupy my world right now.

This is the wall I have stared at day in and day out. As lovely as that painting is...

This board helps me keep track of the day and who my nurse is. Speaking of nurses they, for the most part, are pretty good. Each seem to have their one little quirk they are the most concerned about. One nurse came in bright and early one morning and started adjusting my bed moving it up and down getting my pillows situated just right. Another nurse insisted that I make sure to get good meals. She stood right there while I talked to the cafeteria people and made me choose things other than what they had on the menu for the day. (To be honest I was grateful when my food came and she had made me pick something else...the food definitely leaves something to be desired!!!)

I have been on antibiotics all week. One of them isn't too bad, the other burns while it goes in. I always cringe every time it's time for that one.

My mom and dad were so fun to bring Christmas to me. They set up this little tree, brought in the cute pillow and a few decorations. All the nurses loved it when they came in. Kylie loved helping putting it up.

My sisters-in-laws, mother-in-law and sister and cousin all came down and they had a little shower for me. It was so nice of them to do it. It was fun to have everyone there. We had dinner and hung out and opened gifts.

We opened this bag of preemie diapers and they were so small. I don't think the picture does them justice.

After suffering all week in a lovely hospital gown that showed my whole backside and had what felt like a gaping hole in the front, they finally told me I could change into regular clothes and apparently could have done it days ago. Thanks a lot for not telling me!!!

Kylie has done really well this week. Some days I think she feels a little bit like this, but she is in good hands and has been great and seems to be managing well.

I can't even begin to express how grateful I am for all the family that has helped us. My parents especially have been so amazing. I will be eternally indebted to them for all that they have done. Kylie has just become their little girl and they have been so great to do everything for her. I could not have been able to relax and take it easy if I hadn't had all the help I have.

"Aprise"

Kylie is so cute when she gets excited and wants to surprise someone with something. She usually runs up to a person with her hands in the air and yells in a loud voice "APRISE." At this moment I wish I was talking about a fun little surprise like this, but unfortunately that is not the case. Monday morning I woke up about 4:45 to a sensation that felt like a very humiliating bed wetting situation. As I jumped out of bed all I kept saying to myself how embarrassing! I feel so stupid! I just wet the bed! Well, after further investigation come to find out my water has probably broken 10 weeks early. I was totally shocked. I swear I would STILL be pregnant with Kylie if I hadn't been induced and now here I am with broken water WAY to early. We got ready and came to the hospital and they confirmed that is what happened and they immediately admitted me saying that I will have to stay until the baby is born, which could be anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. So much for avoiding having a baby around Christmas time.

I have been given steroid shots to help the baby's lungs. We had an ultrasound yesterday and everything looks really good. He has all his parts and his heart and brain look good, so it's just a matter of letting him continue to grow the best he can. I really haven't been panicked at all about it. I feel really good. I am confident that everything is going to be just fine. At this point I feel that the worst thing that could happen is he could be born on Christmas and we could possible even deal with that.

Kylie is doing really well. Thank goodness for great family that has dropped everything and done whatever we have needed as far as her care and keeping me entertained. I talked to Kylie on the phone this morning and she asked "Mom, you at the hospital? I am sick too." In a tone like she wanted to be here. I hope she won't be affected too much and she won't feel like her life has totally turned upside down.

I have just been reminded that life is very unpredictable. On the car ride home from our trip to Arizona on Sunday I made a long list of all the things I needed to get done before Christmas. (A Thanksgiving post was among them) So much for that I guess. Once again I am grateful for friends and family who have offered and are more than willing to help with everything I need. I am also so grateful for Jeremy and his patience and willingness to attend to my needs.

In the mean time will just sit or lay here and when I am really lucky get up to go to the restroom and hope for the best outcome possible.